I Don't Remember

(A prompt taken from Room To Write by Bonni Goldberg)

PROMPT: This time, begin with the phrase, "I don't remember," and fill up a page. If you draw a blank at any point, repeat the phrase "I don't remember," in writing, until something else forms in your consciousness. Notice if one of these non memories suggests a section of a piece, an experience for one of your characters, or perhaps a topic to write about. Notice what subjects of non-memories emerge; are they the same themes you often write about? If not, further explore one of the new ones.

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"Not knowing when the dawn will come I open the door." ~~ Emily Dickinson
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I don't remember what it's like to be alone. I am only twenty five, but I've been married for eight years and with Joe for ten years. I am a wife and mother. Sometimes I don't remember who Tracy is. All these plans and dreams I had for myself were completely within my grasp but I gave them up to be a mother and a wife. I don't regret my choices. I love my son and my husband, but sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I'd gone to college, spent a summer in Italy, went on a blind date, made a career for myself. Would I be married now? Would I be a mom? Would I still be in Indiana? Would I still long for Pittsburgh? I promise myself that once Christian is grown and in college that Joe and I will make a new life in Pittsburgh. I don't remember a time when I didn't want to be in Pittsburgh. Ever since my writing became a prominent fixture in my life, Pittsburgh has been a forefront in my thoughts. I don't remember a time in my childhood when I felt like I was my mother's daughter. I don't remember a time when I felt like she cared about me the way she does my brother. I don't remember a time when I felt like I belonged with my family. I don't remember a time I ever felt like I felt like myself; my true self.