Diving In

Exercise From: Room to Write by Bonnie Goldberg

TODAY'S PROMPT: Dive into writing by choosing any one of the following words that have more than one meaning: bear, cleave, lie, sewer, tear, or desert. Start by copying the word and quickly, without stopping for any reason, continue writing until you reach the end of the page. Making sense is unimportant. Your goals are speed and endurance. If you get stuck, repeat whatever word you've just written until something new spills out. After you finish read the result. Don't forget to breathe, and try not to tense up your hand. Ready, set, go ....

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"I love all men who dive. Any fish can swim near the surface, but it takes a great whale to go downstairs five miles or more."
Herman Melville
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Lie. It is always hard to understand the motivation behind lying. It isn't black and white. When someone asks if their new haircut looks good, it is easier to say yes than to say no. If you're guilty of doing something wrong you may lie to escape a severe punishment, or to forget your own guilt. Sometimes I wonder if lying really is just an extension of who we are. You can tell a lot about people when you know what it is they lie about. Like my grandmother who lies about everything. Sometimes I wonder if she is even capable of telling the truth at all. She lies about stupid things like who cooks Sunday breakfast. It's just stupid. It's annoying too, because it makes me feel like she's embarrassed by the family so she has to lie to everyone to make herself look more important.



I used to think that lying was no big deal, but it is. It's a very big deal, you just never realize it until you've been lied to. It's so naïve to think that lying doesn't hurt anyone, but before you've been hurt by lies you can't really know that. I wonder what I would do if I were lied to be Jose, because I feel like it would be more of a betrayal if he lied to me. I just overlook my grandmother's lies and dismiss them as just part of who she is, but if Jose lied to me I would be far too hurt and betrayed. I don't think I could forgive him.



I told my friend in elementary school that I'd jump in front of a car to cheer her up. It was stupid to say, and I meant nothing by it, but she went to the counselor and told them I wanted to commit suicide. The school called my parents and they wanted to know why I would want to commit suicide. I told them it was taken out of context but my grandmother, the self-proclaimed psycho-therapist of the family, was convinced that there was a reason. So I lied and said I was just sad because my step-father didn't want to be in my life since my own father came back.



It just felt like a way to get them off my back and the whole thing was taken out of context, but they wouldn't listen to me. Apparently there always has to be something wrong with you. You know how on every show there is that one character who convinces himself that there's something wrong with him even though it's obvious it's all in his head? Well I know way too many people like that and it makes me realize how easy it is to fall into the trap of lying, even when it seems like there is no real reason to lie. If it's so easy to fall into the habit of lying then how do we know if we ever really tell the truth? Wouldn't it be easy to say that we live in a constant state of small, unwitting lies in some cosmic race to the finish line?